


Expectations

by xfphile



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-08
Updated: 2012-12-08
Packaged: 2017-11-20 14:47:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/586531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xfphile/pseuds/xfphile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Expectations rarely match the anticipation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Opposite of Expectation

Empty.

That was the word that came to Nyota Uhura’s mind as she walked down the window-lined hall of the Cadet Administrative building, the afternoon sunlight bright even through the ubiquitous (and boring) beige blinds. She had always loved the sun and its warmth, its brightness, and its implied joy.

Now, it taunted her.

Since her return from the Narada incident fifteen days ago, Nyota had been sleeping, crying, debriefing, and working through periods of mind-numbing grief – and seldom in that order. As such, her summons to her advisor’s office gave her no cause for alarm. Mild curiosity, yes, but her mind was mostly preoccupied with Spock, who had vanished into his own black hole of debriefings, planning, scheming, memorial services, and just general all-around mayhem. She knew he’d be astronomically busy and hadn’t really expected to see him for at least a week, but he hadn’t commed her either – not even to leave a message. For a man as inherently polite and mannered as Spock, this was highly unusual. After recent events, it was also somewhat alarming.

Her mind thus occupied, Nyota was taken aback when she reached her destination and was called in before she could knock. Entering the room, she came to an abrupt halt at the sight of not only her advisor, Commander Robert Wayne, but also Admirals Richard Barnett and Stewart Komack, as well as Captain Pike’s current protégé and TA, Lieutenant Commander Adam Pyerson. None of them offered a greeting at her entrance.

It was just a little unnerving.

Swallowing, Nyota collected herself and gave a sharp salute. She then held it nearly a minute before Komack had mercy and released her with a curt, “At ease, Cadet.”

Breathing a quick sigh of relief, Nyota settled automatically into parade rest and met each gaze before focusing on Barnett, who was the highest-ranking individual there. He silently returned her regard for a while before saying, “You look better today, Cadet. How are you holding up?”

Surprised by the question, Nyota blinked before answering. “I’m doing better, Sir. It’s . . . still rough, seeing just how many people are gone, but the memorials and counseling have helped a great deal.”

“I’m glad to hear that, Cadet,” he replied, giving her a small smile before clearing his throat and looking down at the folder that lay on the desk in front of him. “Well, let’s get to why you were summoned,” he continued briskly, opening the folder with a snap and quickly reading over the first sheet. 

Nyota was honestly expecting a commendation, given that at least three of the Enterprise crew had received one as of the day before. Thus, Barnett’s next words were completely unexpected.

“You have been summoned here today, Cadet Uhura, to answer to the charges of insubordination, fraternization, unprofessional conduct, and possibly conduct unbecoming. This is not a formal hearing, so a gathering of your peers has not been called, but it is not an informal meeting. Do you understand, Cadet?”

Nyota was stunned. Charges? Insubordination? Unprofessional conduct? 

“Cadet!”

Komack’s sharp voice brought Nyota back to herself and she blinked before looking at the admiral. “I apologize, Sir. I was . . . caught off-guard.”

Pyerson snorted softly and muttered, “I bet,” before a sharp glance from Wayne silenced him. Barnett ignored them both as he impatiently repeated, “Do you understand why you’re here, Cadet?”

“Yes, Sir,” Nyota replied. “But – “

“Good,” Barnett cut her off. “We will address these charges individually, beginning with insubordination.”

“Permission to speak, Sir?” Nyota requested in a steady voice, despite the fact that she was still reeling from the news that this was a disciplinary hearing.

“Denied,” Barnett said curtly. “Now. Insubordination. This charge stems from your behavior and actions during the Kobyashi Maru that you took part in on Stardate 5473.15. This should have happened the next day, but circumstances didn’t permit it.”

Nyota blinked. Insubordination during the Kobyashi Maru? What – how – why?

“Sir, I –“

“Silent!” Komack snapped, his eyes flashing with irritation. “This is a disciplinary hearing, Cadet. Your input is neither required nor wanted.”

“Sir,” Nyota said tightly, as anger began to break through the shock.

“Now,” Barnett continued smoothly, ignoring the byplay as easily as he had Wayne and Pyerson a few minutes earlier. “During the Kobyashi Maru, you were assigned as Communications Officer under the command of one James T. Kirk. His actions and behavior are not a factor in this, as he gave no illegal, unlawful, or immoral orders. As such, the blatant disrespect you showed to your commanding officer throughout the entirety of the simulation cannot be overlooked and will not be tolerated. I don’t care if you like your CO, hate him, couldn’t pick him out of a lineup, or are married to him. On any mission, you will show respect for the position, if nothing else, and that respect will be in your tone, your behavior, and your obedience to his orders. “

“It’s a well-known fact that you dislike James Kirk,” Komack picked up, his dark baritone contrasting sharply with Barnett’s light tenor. “That’s fine. However, anyone who watched that SIM from cold off the street would also know that, just by observing you – and that is not acceptable. Your feelings were obvious, as was your contempt, and that will not be tolerated in this institution.”

Nyota choked in a quick breath, feeling like she’d just been sucker-punched. She was being formally disciplined because of James Fucking Kirk! And for that matter, where was McCoy? Talk about unprofessional!

Before she could get a good head of steam going, Wayne spoke, his eyes filled with an odd combination of understanding and disappointment. His voice, however, showed only reproach.

“You are doing it now, Cadet,” he rumbled. “Despite being told that your CO’s actions were irrelevant to yours, you are blaming him.”

Nyota fixed him with a stare that had made men twice her size back off and icily demanded, “Permission to speak. Sir.”

“Denied,” Komack sighed. “But I’ll answer your question anyway. You glared and muttered Kirk’s name while you were thinking. It wasn’t difficult to put together.”

Nyota stared at him, mortified. Surely she hadn’t lost that much control! Had she? The last three weeks had been brutal, but still. She was apparently acting like a twelve-year-old. Straightening her spine, she tried to forget her exhaustion and grief, and act as a woman of her age and station should.

“Good,” Barnett said approvingly, noting her stance and the change in her eyes. “Moving on, then. For the charge of insubordination, you will receive a probationary reprimand in your file. If there are no further instances in the next twelve months, it will be removed.”

Nyota allowed herself a quick sigh of relief before nodding and breathing a thankful, “Thank you, Sir.”

Barnett fixed her with an inscrutable look before flipping the paper in his hand facedown on the folder and picking up the next sheet. “Don’t thank me yet, Cadet. We aren’t done here.”

Nyota swallowed. She’d forgotten the other charges.

“For the possible charge of conduct unbecoming, Cadet, I refer to the incident that occurred in the landing bay when the cadets were being given their ship assignments for the mission to Vulcan.”

It was Pyerson who spoke, and Nyota looked over at him, cringing internally. She knew what he was about to bring up.

“I personally witnessed you being overly-familiar with a superior officer, in addition to the disrespect you showed to his position, On top of that, I also witnessed you question his orders before demanding – not asking, not respectfully requesting – that your wishes be accommodated. The reason we are considering conduct unbecoming instead of insubordination, Cadet, is because any one of these alone is bad enough. Add them together in one 3-minute incident, and it becomes a much more serious problem.”

Barnett nodded and continued, his voice considerably darker than it had been not fifteen minutes earlier. “You see, Cadet, Commander Spock’s actions aside – and they are not being ignored, let me assure you – I personally want to know what the hell you were thinking, that you deserved an assignment simply because you wanted it. And that doesn’t even take into consideration your refusal to accept a superior officer’s answer.”

“Sir,” Nyota began cautiously, only to be stopped by an obviously angry Barnett, who paused in reading over a small pile of scrap paper given to him by the others at the table. 

“Save it, Cadet! I really don’t care what your reasons were or how valid you thought them. I care that this seems to be something of a recurring pattern for you, and if you wish to remain in StarFleet, you will learn to sit down, shut up, and follow orders until you’re the Chief of StarFleet Operations. Is that understood?”

“Sir, yes, Sir!” Nyota replied smartly. She didn’t have a leg to stand on in this and she knew it. There were other ways she should have asked, but she’d been so frustrated with Spock and the ‘one-step forward, three-steps back’ situation they were in that she’d let her aggravation get the best of her.

Barnett stared coldly at her for a few more minutes before abruptly giving his attention to that small pile in front of him. Silence reigned for a long moment and Nyota felt sweat start to gather on her upper lip and palms as her nerves tightened. Conduct Unbecoming was serious – people had been dishonorably discharged because of that. Nyota was so focused on controlling her nerves, she actually started when Barnett spoke again.

“By a consensus, Cadet, this incident will be logged as Insubordination as well. However, due to the deeper, more serious nature of the offense, this will be a permanent reprimand and you will spend one full day serving whatever punishment Commander Pyerson feels is appropriate. We don’t have brigs on campus, or I’d throw you in there for a day,” he growled, his voice sharp but not – quite – disgusted. It was a display of vocal and emotional control that Nyota envied in a small corner of her mind.

“Yes, Sir,” she said quietly, bowing her head in acknowledgement. 

Komack was watching her shrewdly, his knowing gaze seeing far too much and making Nyota want to squirm. She resisted the impulse, however, and resettled herself, flexing her knees a bit and shifting to the balls of her feet to ease the tightness that came from standing so still for an extended period of time. He was still studying her intently when she refocused her attention, but Nyota met his gaze calmly, albeit with a tinge of worry.

When Komack finally spoke, it was in a tone Nyota had only heard a few times in her life – and sincerely hoped to never hear again.

“We need to be sure you understand the serious nature of these transgressions, Cadet. The only reason this isn’t being classified as Conduct Unbecoming is because we have lost not only eighty percent of our graduating class, but also a considerable number of ranking, experienced officers. As such, StarFleet is taking a wider view of certain things. However, you are on a very thin line – and all the goodwill you accumulated from the Narada incident has been used to keep you in StarFleet. Is that understood?”

Nyota swallowed hard again. The gravity of her situation was starting to sink in, and it had become clear that not only was she up shit creek without a paddle, the boat had a leak too.

“I understand, Sir,” she whispered as she forced her eyes to remain locked with Komack’s. After a minute of silence, she looked at the other three men present and gave them each a firm nod before declaring, “Sirs,” and stiffening her spine, waiting for the next charge.

After about thirty seconds, Barnett nodded and grabbed the next sheet in the folder. “The next charge is Fraternization, which also encompasses Unprofessional Conduct in this instance. Cadet Uhura, you are aware that StarFleet specifically and explicitly forbids any and all types of personal relationships between members of its teaching and professorial staff and our cadets?”

“I am, Admiral,” Nyota replied steadily. 

“Very well. Then you understand that your overly-familiar behavior toward Commander Spock was inappropriate, as well as a violation of StarFleet regulation 106 C, section IV?”

“I do, Sir,” Nyota confirmed quietly.

“Then, to compound this, you – I want to get the order of events in sequence, Cadet, so bear with me. While on the Enterprise¸ serving as the Acting Communications Officer after the destruction of Vulcan and the loss of over 90% of the planet’s population, including Commander Spock’s mother, you left the bridge during a red-alert, combat situation without getting permission from the acting CO, who had been given the conn by Acting Captain Spock, and without calling your relief. You then stopped the turbolift mid-level, blocking access to the bridge, and proceeded to hug and kiss your CO. Have I got it right so far?” Barnett asked, his voice neutral. 

Nyota gulped. When laid out like that, it did sound bad.

“I asked you a question, Cadet! Is the sequence of events correctly stated thus far?”

Nyota swallowed again before meeting his eyes. “They are, Sir.”

After a long, pregnant pause, Barnett continued. “Then, when Acting First Officer Kirk was attempting to get Acting Captain Spock to consider another course of action – which does fall under the duties of first officer, though the method he chose was not ideal and will be addressed – you said and did nothing, despite having first-hand knowledge of how emotionally compromised Acting Captain Spock was. This will also be addressed for everyone on the bridge at that time.

“Later, when Acting First Officer Kirk forced the proof of Acting Captain Spock’s state of mind before assuming the captaincy, you were insolent and disrespectful to your CO – Acting First Officer or Captain makes no difference. Even being on academic suspension didn’t matter. He was still your superior officer by order of Captain Pike.

“Finally, when Acting Captain Kirk and Commander Spock were in the transporter room, preparing to begin their mission, you again left the bridge without permission, though you did call your relief, followed them to a public location, and proceeded to engage in a very public display of affection with Commander Spock.”

The room was still when Barnett finished speaking. This time, the silence was ominous and threatened to strangle Nyota, who simply could not wrap her mind around what the admiral had just revealed. It wasn’t like that! She had simply been trying to give the man she wanted to love some comfort and support. 

She was jarred out of her thoughts by her advisor. “The multiple violations of the fraternizations regs have, after consideration, been combined into one single, all-encompassing charge, due to certain, somewhat understandable – though not acceptable – assumptions. Rest assured, Commander Spock’s actions have not gone unnoticed, nor have they been ignored. What took place on the Enterprise, however, does have certain mitigating circumstances for him. These do not extend to you.”

Numb, Nyota could only nod and wait for the axe to fall.

Pyerson was next. “The multiple nature of your violations is severe, Cadet. We were seriously contemplating a dishonorable discharge.”

Nyota stared at him horror, unconsciously leaning back in an attempt to soften the blow. If Pyerson noticed, he made no mention, continuing quietly instead. “In fact, discharge isn’t completely off the table yet, Cadet, so you need to pay very close attention.”

“Sir,” Nyota said on a shaking breath. She had nothing left. Everything was being used just to stay calm and absorb the impact.

Komack picked up where Pyerson had stopped, displeasure taking his voice down nearly an octave. “All the relevant parties have been informed of our potential decision, as well as asked for possible alternatives. Only two were offered – and a somewhat unexpected plea for you, Cadet.”

Puzzled, Nyota looked at him. Someone had put in a good word for her? Her first thought was Spock, but common sense prevailed. Given his . . . proximity to and participation in the events in question, his word would not only carry no weight, it could potentially do damage to her cause. So. Not Spock. Who, then?

Nyota was shaken out of her reverie by Barnett, who took over by cutting Komack off mid-breath. 

It should have been funny.

“Remember the goodwill I talked about earlier, Cadet?” he asked in a deceptively even voice, his eyes sparking with an emotion Nyota couldn’t truly read, though she knew it wasn’t anger. Not quite. She nodded without speaking, knowing that she was on perilous ground.

Barnett accepted her silence and continued in the same even tone that was making Nyota wary. She simply could not read the man and so couldn’t get any clue about what was coming.

“The offered alternatives included a public apology to Commander Spock, Captain Pike, and Cadet Kirk individually, as well as a single apology to every member of the crew who was present during the aforementioned incidents, also made publicly. In addiction, your field promotion to Commander will not be upheld. We were going to make it Ensign, but a request for you specifically as Communications Officer has been submitted, so we’ve made an adjustment.”

Nyota could only stare in shock, unable to fully process what she was hearing. Cautious happiness, outrage, and fury were competing for her attention, and since she had none to spare, Nyota had to shove her emotions in a box and push them aside for later. This was the final deliberation about her future and she needed everything she had to keep up.

“Rather than starting at Ensign, you will be promoted to Lieutenant. However, you will not be eligible for promotion for three years. At that time, assuming your record has stayed clean, you may apply for promotion if you so choose and there is an open position. 

“You will either accept the Communications Officer request or you will be posted wherever StarFleet feels like sending you – and you will not be able to transfer for the same three-year probationary period.”

After a long moment fraught with too many emotions to name, Komack smiled grimly and said, “Well, Cadet? What’s your answer?”

Nyota met his gaze evenly, glanced at the others, and fixed her eyes on Barnett. “Permission to speak, Sir?”

“Granted – but not to speak freely, Cadet. You may only ask about the options presented for your continuing career in StarFleet.”

“Thank you, Sir.” At that, Nyota paused, working out which question she wanted to ask first, before deciding. “Sir? Where did the request for Communications Officer come from?”

Barnett smiled at that, though it had little humor. A minute later, Nyota understood why.

“It came from James T. Kirk, Captain, U.S.S. Enterprise.”

The stunned silence that followed that pronouncement lasted nearly three minutes while Nyota Uhura frantically struggled to take it in. James ‘I’m a slut’ Kirk had been promoted to captain?!? Even as the thought formed, though, she cut it off. She didn’t like him. He was obnoxious, arrogant, and a smart-ass. He was also a shockingly good leader when it wasn’t a game, and she was forced to admit that he could and did take ideas from everyone, which he had been able to work into a viable plan, both against Nero and later, when they were trying to get home with no warp engines, a ship crewed at half-capacity, and a grand total of twenty-seven ranking officers, none of whom were on the Command track.

Still. Serving under James Kirk for three years? 

Being dishonorably discharged and having to explain that every time she tried to go elsewhere.

Taking a deep breath, Nyota Uhura made her decision.

“I accept the alternative offer, Sirs,” she announced. “When do my apologies need to be made?”

Komack fielded that with a quick glare at Barnett, who was opening his mouth. 

“We will contact the required people, Cadet, and let you know when the place and time have been decided.”

“Yes, Sir.” 

After her acknowledgement, Nyota stood awkwardly, wondering what she was supposed to do or say now. Barnett took pity on her after a moment and took the hearing to its conclusion. His voice was still even, and his eyes still held that unknown emotion, but it had been tempered by just a hint of approval.

“To summarize, Cadet, the decisions of this hearing are as follows:

1.) Insubordination, first count: one-year probationary reprimand.

2.) Insubordination, second count: permanent reprimand

3.) Fraternization/Unprofessional conduct: three individual public apologies, one group public apology,   
three-year freeze on promotion and transfer opportunities.”

When Barnett finished speaking, there was another moment of silence before all four men stood. Barnett met each man’s eyes before looking at Nyota.

“Dismissed, Cadet.”

Nyota Uhura came to regulation-perfect attention, saluted, and snapped out a crisp “Aye, Sir!” before turning into a sharp about-face and leaving the room. 

And as she marched back down the corridor, her footsteps echoing despite the carpet, Nyota had to appreciate the irony of her first thought when heading to that meeting. Like the hallway, her room, her classes, and her dreams, Cadet Nyota Uhura also found herself empty.

~~~~~

finis


	2. The Illogic of Expectation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is illogical to expect one interpretation from multiple beings, especially with no prior input.

Chaos.

Spock of Vulcan, the acknowledged logic masters in the known galaxy, commander in StarFleet, spared a moment to wonder at the dichotomy of the thought. Chaos was, by its very definition, generally caused by a large number of beings behaving in illogically – and frequently diametrically opposite – ways from the majority of the other beings surrounding them.

Since Nero's successful destruction of Vulcan

_there is no pain it is illogical_

and, with it, the deaths of nearly 80% of what would have been the current graduating class – as well as the loss of 297 commissioned, ranking officers and 6 fully-constructed, _Constitution-_ class starships – the Academy campus had been paradoxically quiet and chaotic. A direct result of too few people attempting to do too many necessary jobs, it was eminently understandable, but disorder still reigned and would for quite some time.

Spock reflected on this realization as he calmly strode down the hall of the Officers' Administration building, in stark contrast to the Academy personnel he could see rushing to and from various appointments.

No one had walked on the Academy grounds in 13 days. Not since the last of the memorial services had been held.

Spock had been called to a meeting with Admiral Barnett – summoned directly by the man himself – and was curious as to the cause. He, along with the existing bridge crew and Engineer Scott, had been thoroughly (had he been human, Spock would have said 'exhaustedly') debriefed for two full days immediately upon arriving back at Earth. Between the multitude of meetings, briefings, and memorials, Spock had been hard-pressed to find time to meditate – and that was not taking into account dealing with the survivors of Vulcan. His father had been of great assistance there, but his time had been severely constrained nonetheless. He had not even had time to comm. Nyota.

(Spock studiously ignored the thought that he could have left a voice message, or even a PADD-mail, had he so chosen. The state of his relationship with Nyota was troubling and confusing to him, and as he had not yet had the time to properly and fully meditate on the issue, he felt the most logical solution would be to postpone all actions on it until he had had the opportunity to come to a conclusion.)

Thus occupied in his thoughts, his arrival at Admiral Barnett's office arrived sooner than he had anticipated. The admiral's PA, a Caitain named Shrell, blinked twice at him, indicating surprise in the manner of his race. Spock arched an eyebrow in response.

"Admiral Barnett issssn't here, Cccomander Sssspock. He'ssss waiting for you in Ccconference Room Two."

Nonplussed, Spock nodded once and gave a brisk, "Thank you, Ensign," before leaving Barnett's office and swiftly pacing to the conference room. As he walked, he reviewed the summons he had received and was (illogically) relieved to remember that Admiral Barnett had said nothing about an alternate meeting location. Therefore, his relief was acceptable, as it was illogical to upset one's superior officer – especially when the officer in question was Chief of Starfleet Operations.

The conference room door came into sight as he rounded a corner, so Spock firmly brought his thoughts (and curiosity about this meeting) under control and cleared his mind. The door was closed, but Spock was called inside before he could knock (he assumed Ensign Shrell had called ahead to advise of his imminent arrival. Logical.).

Despite the summons only mentioning Admiral Barnett, Spock was expecting at least two other people, given the location of this meeting. However, the presence of Admiral Stewart Komack was puzzling. Captain Pike's Teaching Assistant, Lieutenant Commander Adam Pyerson, was also there, as was his own advisor, Commander Sheila Tyson. This . . . was ominous.

None of this showed on Spock's face or in his voice as he came to attention and saluted. "Sirs," he said crisply, meeting each set of eyes before focusing his gaze on the wall precisely 2 inches above Barnett's shoulder and to the left of his ear.

"At ease, Commander," Barnett said, catching his gaze.

Spock settled into parade rest easily, clasping his hands behind him as he waited for the purpose of this meeting to be disclosed. He was (pleasantly) surprised when Barnett, after a moment of scrutiny, asked, "How are you doing, Commander?"

He said nothing further, for which Spock was relieved. Though the memorials had helped with coming to terms with his losses and the near-constant stream of duties had kept him mentally occupied (and, thus, not dwelling on things), Spock was far from 'all right' and admitted it, if only to himself.

Still, "I am functional, Sir," he replied quietly, stating an absolute (albeit incomplete) truth. Barnett's gaze sharpened, but he said nothing beyond a matter-of-fact, "I'm pleased to hear that, Commander."

There was another moment of silence before Barnett coughed quietly and reached for a closed folder lying in front of him. Before opening it, he looked briefly at the others in the room and received solemn nods. Barnett swallowed quickly and looked back to Spock, who had a sudden, illogical chill of foreboding.

"Commander Spock, you have been called to this meeting to answer charges of Unprofessional Conduct, Fraternization, and possibly Conduct Unbecoming. Do you understand?"

Not an illogical chill,

"I do, Sir," Spock said, allowing none of the surprise he felt to show. All would be explained and he would have a chance to request clarification and offer explanations; he needed merely to wait.

"Good," Komack said, nodding. "As you're aware, Commander Spock, these are very serious allegations on their own. Together, they paint a disturbing picture. This is not – yet – a formal hearing, so a gathering of your peers was deemed unnecessary, but neither is this an informal meeting."

(he had no way of knowing that Komack had said virtually the same thing to Nyota Uhura less than 4 hours earlier)

Spock, who had already gathered this, glanced at Komack in the expectant pause and offered a firm, "I understand, Sir," before looking back to Barnett.

The admiral held Spock's gaze with an ease that earned reluctant admiration from the Vulcan – few humans could maintain eye-contact for this period of time. That Barnett could (and did) gave Spock a greater appreciation for the man's position of Chief of Operations.

After 1.73 perfectly quiet minutes, Barnett broke his gaze to look at the folder before him. "Commander Spock, you are aware of StarFleet regulation 076 R, Section II, with regards to Unprofessional Conduct?"

Spock blinked, the only outward sign of his internal concern. "I am, Sir."

Barnett tilted his head to the right, a sign in Captain Pike that indicated strong displeasure. "You were witnessed by Lieutenant Commander Pyerson as permitting a cadet to not only speak to you with complete disrespect to your rank and position, but demand a different posting – not respectfully request, not ask, but demand – because a) she wanted it, no matter her qualifications or the needs of other ships and b) because you had requested she be posted to a ship other than the _Enterprise_ to avoid the appearance of favoritism."

"Sir," Spock began cautiously.

"I'm not done, Commander! You will speak when ordered to and not before. Is that understood?" Barnett snapped.

"Yes, Sir," Spock said quietly. He hadn't realized he and Nyota had been seen. This incident had no excuse or explanation and he was well aware of it. However, he made no attempt to verbalize this, as Barnett had made it clear he had no desire to hear anything Spock had to say. He schooled himself to patience and met Barnett's gaze again.

"Then, Commander, you not only gave the cadet what she demanded, you did so without consulting the _Farragut's_ XO. Did you even bother to send one of the _Enterprise_ cadets in her place?"

Since this clearly a rhetorical question, Spock said nothing – though he hadn't, small consolation as it was, given the _Farragut's_ demise.

"I don't even know where to start here, Commander," Barnett continued, suddenly sounding weary. "I suppose – well, _why_ is the first thing I need to know. Permission to speak."

Spock took a moment to compose his reply. He did not wish to antagonize the admiral, but his response would be unsatisfying on every level – and to everyone in the room. Nevertheless, it would be said.

"I have no answer, Admiral. My behavior was inappropriate and I take full responsibility. I will accept whatever consequences are due."

There was another moment of silence and had Spock been human, it would have been highly uncomfortable. He was not, so he used the time to process this information and re-order his thoughts. Pyerson's voice caught his attention and he looked to his left, meeting the man's eyes.

"Do you understand what this means, Commander Spock?" Pyerson asked, genuine bewilderment in his voice.

"Yes, Sir, I do," Spock answered. "There was no . . . forbidden . . . personal relationship between Cadet Uhura and myself at that time, but the possibility was strong that one would develop. I had requested a block to her posting on the _Enterprise_ to prevent any accusations of favoritism should such a relationship begin, but I did not anticipate an emergency situation occurring. As I stated earlier, I accept full responsibility for the incident."

"Spock . . . "

It was his advisor who spoke. Disappointment was so prevalent in her voice that Spock actually had no trouble understanding it, which was unsettling.

"Spock, it is correct and – noble – to take full responsibility, but you aren't getting off that lightly," she said after a moment. "Cadet Uhura was fully aware that her behavior was inappropriate and she could have . . . _should_ have . . . gone to any of the other four assignment officers. She chose you because she felt she would succeed. And, of the entire incident, that is the most troubling aspect."

Spock blinked, not understanding. "Sir?"

It was Komack who answered. "Spock, with no resistance, you gave into an insubordinate demand from a cadet who had been your student, who you say you weren't 'yet' in an inappropriate relationship with. How can we trust you on the bridge of a starship if you're that easily manipulated? If all it takes is an accusation of favoritism for you to fold like a house of cards, you're not only useless on the bridge, you're a liability."

This statement actually caused Spock to lean back from the intensity. It also shocked him, as he had not once considered his response a liability. His acquiescence to Nyota was due to her correct – though badly articulated – point. This needed to be clarified.

"Permission to speak," he cautiously requested.

"Den –" Komack began, only for Barnett to override him with a sharp, "Quickly – and make it count, Commander."

"Yes, Sir. My acquiescence to Cadet Uhura was due to her being correct – she had been the top student both in my class and her overall linguistics group, as well as being in the top 5% of her overall class. Her abilities were well-suited to the _Enterprise_."

"And of course, no one else ever thought of or considered that," Barnett said dryly, though with a cutting edge. "And none of the other ships deserved a skilled, well-trained xenolinguist on their staff, cadet or not."

Spock had no time to answer this, as Barnett continued. "And, of course, your request to block her posting was granted immediately. No one looked at it, considered it, or had any input to cadet postings and assignments. It was all you."

The sarcasm needed no interpretation and Spock bowed his head in shamed acknowledgement. He truly had no defense and knew it. The only logical course was to accept his actions. This did not make it any easier to say.

"I have no answer, Admiral. That I did not consider my actions in those terms does not invalidate your reasoning. I accept all responsibility and their consequences."

"Good," Komack growled. "This is a permanent reprimand in your file, Commander, as well as a freeze on any promotion for 3 years. We are still considering permitting you to serve aboard a ship again."

Spock swallowed but said nothing. Considering that he could have been dishonorably discharged for this incident, his punishment was mild. Of course, there were still two pending charges to be heard.

As though reading his thoughts, Barnett cleared his throat and said, "Moving on to the charge of Fraternization, which is clearly stated in StarFleet regulation 106 C, section IV. We have the _Enterprise_ 's recorded logs, so we know what happened. We want to know why you participated in a highly public, completely unprofessional, display of affection with Cadet Uhura prior to leaving on your mission with Acting Captain Kirk."

Spock couldn't stop his surprised blink. This was not at all what he had expected and it took 42.18 seconds to regain his equilibrium. When nothing further was forthcoming, he blinked again and focused on Barnett, who was giving him an expectant look. Ah. An explanation was required.

"The cadet was . . . concerned . . . about my safety and working relationship with Acting Captain Kirk," he began carefully, watching Barnett's expression closely. "And I was still . . . unsettled . . . from – from prior events." The catch in his voice was humiliating, but thankfully, no one mentioned it. Not that what came next was better, really.

"I'm sorry, Spock," Commander Tyson said regretfully, "but that doesn't fly. The incident in the turbolift is to an extent understandable – not acceptable, but understandable, given that you had literally just lost your planet. There will be no punishment for it, though we have questions, but the transporter room? No. If that was your full answer, then no, it is not acceptable."

"If the cadet had wanted to bid you farewell, Commander, it should have been done in a private room with only the two of you at any point between leaving the bridge and entering the transporter room." That was Barnett, his voice heavy with censure. "You know this – and you knew it then, which begs the question: _were_ you that emotionally compromised?"

That stung, though it was a fair question. His answer left a bitter taste in his mouth.

"It seems so, Admiral. I confess, having never been in that sort of relationship before, I had no understanding of the expected personal protocol."

"Do you think?" Pyerson muttered to Tyson, who ignored him – unlike Barnett, who shot him an icy glare before looking back to Spock, who continued after a brief hesitation.

"In addition, events had moved so quickly that I had no time to meditate and thus, begin to absorb the events that had taken place. As such . . . yes, Admiral, it appears I _was_ still too emotionally compromised."

An uncomfortable silence fell after Spock finished speaking. It only lasted 2.44 minutes, but it seemed – even to a Vulcan – interminable. When Barnett finally spoke, everyone in the room started.

"Very well, Commander. Since you _do_ possess the self-awareness to admit that you were compromised, the charge of Fraternization is a permanent reprimand, as well as a one-year freeze on promotion, to be added on to the existing freeze. Do you understand?"

"I do, Sir," Spock rasped out. It was a just punishment, but that didn't make any more palatable – and there was yet remaining an additional charge.

For the first time in the proceedings, Barnett looked shaken. His voice was firm, however.

"Before we proceed to the final charge, Commander Spock, we do have questions about the event that took place in the turbolift."

Spock's eyebrow arched involuntarily and he hastily fought to lower it, not wanting any tangible sign of his surprise to show. "I don't understand, Admiral."

"It's very simple, Mr. Spock," Komack replied, his voice as dark as his gaze. "We understand why you permitted the cadet's actions in the turbolift, which were clearly out of line as members of StarFleet. Whether they were out of line for you personally is a question only you can answer – and one we have no wish to know. However, we do find ourselves curious as to why, after Captain Pike was rescued and the _Narada_ destroyed, Cadet Uhura was not reprimanded for her actions. In fact, the incident wasn't mentioned at all – which is very unlike you, Commander. One of the reasons we accepted Captain Pike's request to have you as his first officer is _because_ you are both meticulous and thorough. Imagine our surprise when neither of these qualities was displayed in this incident."

Again, Spock found himself having to take a moment to answer. This time, however, he knew his reasons; he simply needed to compose his reply.

"I said nothing about it, Sir, because it would have been hypocritical to punish the cadet for actions that I . . . condoned . . . at the time, though I did not actively encourage it. Had I been in a state of mind to refuse, I would have, but as I was not . . . "

Spock's voice trailed off as he (irrationally) hoped that his meaning was clear. The fact being true did not make it easier to voice. Especially not so private a thing as his emotions and lapse thereof.

Everyone but Pyerson was nodding thoughtfully when he refocused his attention to the table. Barnett made a quick note on the paper he held and set it aside, hesitating for an infinitesimal second before picking up the last sheet in the folder.

"Very well, Mr. Spock. Due to the mitigating circumstances of Vu – that directly preceded these events, no charges or repercussions are levied. We simply needed to know."

"Of course, Admiral," Spock agreed, his voice going flat despite his rigid control.

"As for the last charge, that of Conduct Unbecoming, Commander, it is in direct response to your actions and behavior regarding First Officer Kirk,"

Spock swallowed. Because of his rage, there was little of the incident that had led him to relinquishing command. Consequently, he had no idea what the board was going to ask – or want clarified. Unaware of the direction of his thoughts, Barnett continued.

"Our first concern, Mr. Spock, is that you did not recognize the need to remove yourself from command after Vul – Nero succeeded. Even for a Vulcan, that should have been the logical course of action after losing your planet, a large portion of the population, and . . . and a parent. Why did you not?"

Spock drew a shaking breath, then another, before responding.

"With respect, Sir, there were no command-track officers available. Captain Pike only had two at the time. One was ill and the other killed en route to the bridge. And, although the captain had made Cadet Kirk first officer, he was still a cadet. Given the state of emergency and the lack of experienced officers, I felt it best to retain command. At the time, I also felt that I had regained control enough to be effective."

"Alright," Barnett allowed, making a note on the paper. "And later, when Kirk was trying to persuade you to take a different course of action than joining the bulk of the 'Fleet in the Laurentian system. Why did you take no regard at all for his recommendation? He was respectful in the beginning and did present his argument logically, yet you refused to even entertain the idea."

This was a harder question to answer, though Spock had taken some time to consider it during journey home.

"Between the cadet's inexperience in live tactics and his . . . personal . . . connection to Nero, I felt that he could not have the necessary objectivity. In addition, being human, Cadet Kirk did not have the training in logic and control that I did as a Vulcan."

Komack grunted. "Fair enough – to a point, Commander. However – had it been Captain Pike in command and Earth had just been destroyed, would you have given in so easily?"

"No," Spock admitted reluctantly. "I would not."

"So," Barnett picked up, "When the calm, logical approach failed, Kirk tried the loud and emotional route. He did cross the line at the end, Commander, though I personally feel that removing him from the ship was overkill."

Overkill? For the second time that day, Spock's eyebrow rose involuntarily. Tyson saw it and offered a wan smile, along with an explanation. "Unnecessary, Mr. Spock. Why did you not simply confine him to the brig?"

"I . . . was not thinking clearly," Spock admitted. "In addition, considering the fact that he had been accused of academic dishonesty, I felt that he was attempting to – I believe the term is 'save face.'"

This earned another grunt from Komack. "That's probably correct, Mr. Spock. Nonetheless, this does not excuse your actions. Having been a first officer, you should have been aware that Kirk was doing his job, both in challenging a plan he felt was unwise and in offering you an alternate solution. You did yourself and your ship a disservice by refusing to heed his words. "

"And later, when he returned to the ship, you were still in the center chair," Barnett continued, flicking a quelling look to Komack. "Why? As you were heading to the Laurentian system – which would have taken nearly 2 days – you should have relinquished the conn, if only to get some rest. And yet, you did not. Again, why?"

This time Spock's pause was due to apprehension and it was 1.47 minutes before he spoke. "I . . . felt the crew needed the stability of the same commander, Sir," he replied carefully. "I also . . . I stayed on duty in an effort to keep my mind focused."

"Indeed."

That was Barnett, and his voice could have turned the Atlantic Ocean into a desert. Spock fought back an illogical urge to shiver when he continued.

"You see, Mr. Spock, here's our quandary. Kirk's actions in forcing you to admit being emotionally compromised and, thus, unable to stay in command, were reprehensible on several levels." A beat. "Ordinarily. However, given that his previous three attempts to accomplish the same thing – or at least affect a different plan – failed spectacularly, we cannot truly fault him for taking the extreme measure he did. The fact that you did not come to the necessary conclusion to remove yourself from command truly left him little choice. I could wish he'd chosen another _method_ , but –"

"There was none else that would have been effective," Spock interrupted. It was breath-takingly rude to interrupt another while they were speaking – and doubly so for a superior officer – but Spock had also considered this during the journey home.

Four raised eyebrows met his statement and he felt a stab of (inappropriate) amusement at the sight. "Indeed?" Pyerson murmured. "Interesting. Is that what led to your complete turnabout in attitude when he built a working plan?"

"It was," Spock agreed. "By provoking the response he did, Acting Captain Kirk broke the control that was preventing my logic from functioning at full capacity."

"Interesting." That was Tyson and Spock flicked a quick look at her before giving his attention back to Barnett, who was writing furiously on the paper in front of him. It was 2.07 minutes before he spoke.

"So, Commander, we have two options. We can charge you with Conduct Unbecoming, which has several layers of penalties. If we do, Cadet Kirk will also be charged – and receive the same punishment. Or, we will _not_ levy the charge – and Kirk will not be charged, either. We have spoken to him and he has left the choice to you. You may have a few minutes to consider this."

"Thank you, Sir," Spock replied absently, his mind spinning from shock. Letting Kirk go unscathed from denigrating Spock's deceased mother was a distasteful thought, but Spock possessed the self-awareness to know that the cadet had truly had no other option. The decision was simple, though not easy, but Spock had one final concern before he made his answer official.

"Permission to speak freely, Sir?" he quietly asked Barnett.

"Granted," the other man replied, his eyes gleaming with curiosity though his expression remained neutral.

"What is the intention of the Board regarding Cadet Kirk's actions during the _Kobyashi Maru_ that took place on Stardate 5473.15?"

A startled silence fell for 8 Vulcan heartbeats before a soft snort broke it.

"We're giving him a commendation for original thinking, Commander," Komack replied. "I took the time to check the rules a few days ago, shortly before you docked, and found that nowhere in the manual is 'reprogramming the system' forbidden. In fact, one of the last rules expressly states that cadets are 'to use any and all scenarios, materials, and ideas available to them.' You'd think 'don't alter the programming' would be a given, but Kirk is literally the first person who's even attempted it in the 19 years we've been utilizing the program. So, obviously, it's not that clear a solution. Or it wasn't."

"Indeed," Spock murmured, taking 17.09 seconds to assimilate this new information. If what Admiral Komack said regarding the rules was true – and Spock had no reason to think otherwise – then Kirk should not have been on suspension at all.

"Is he aware of this?" Spock asked suddenly.

A mutual look of surprise greeted the question. Barnett recovered first. "No. His board hasn't been held yet."

Fascinating. It seemed that Kirk, despite not knowing his fate for any of his actions, still had the integrity to leave the final decision for a charge of Conduct Unbecoming – which would likely result in a dishonorable discharge – to someone he logically felt had no reason to trust or respect him. Closing his eyes, Spock drew in a deep breath and came to attention.

"I formally request that no charge of Conduct Unbecoming be made against Cadet James Kirk, Sirs," he started, his voice clear and firm. "However, if you believe my actions warrant it, I understand and make no objection."

There was a beat a silence at this was absorbed. Then his advisor spoke and Spock was absently relieved to note that the disappointment was gone from her voice and demeanor. "I am pleased to hear that, Commander Spock," she told him.

"Thank you, Commander," he replied.

"Yes," Barnett drawled. "Thank you, Commander Tyson. Very well, Commander Spock, no charge of Conduct Unbecoming will levied against Kirk – or you. Whether you will be permitted to serve on a starship again is still up in the air and will be for some time, I imagine."

 _Up in the air_? Human idiosyncrasies were so **illogical** sometimes.

Barnett was still speaking, so Spock quickly returned his attention to the admiral.

"To conclude, Commander Spock, let the record reflect the following:

     1.) Unprofessional Conduct: permanent reprimand; three-year promotion freeze.

     2.) Fraternization: permanent reprimand; one-year additional promotion freeze.

     3.) Conduct Unbecoming: no charge."

When Barnett was done, yet another moment of silence fell. It was broken when Komack rose, the Board quickly following. Barnett exchanged one last glance with the others before facing Spock and capturing his eyes again, holding them for a long, thoughtful moment before speaking.

"Dismissed, Commander."

As he was already at attention, Spock merely gave a sharp salute, pivoted in an about-face, and walked steadily from the room.

And as he headed back down the hall, a glimpse of the chaos on the grounds caused a grim smile to touch his lips. He had wondered at the dichotomy of that chaos as he was heading to this meeting; now, it struck a chord of complete understanding.

Like his career, his species, his relationships, and his thoughts, the logic that so defined Spock of Vulcan had devolved into chaos.

_~~~_ _  
_finis_ _

**Author's Note:**

> This is, thus far, a 2-part series that *may* turn into 3 or 4 parts depending on the fickleness of The Muse. If I do write Kirk and/or McCoy, those stories will be a chaptered part of 'Expectations,' not a separate entitiy.


End file.
